Confessions of a Hollywood Celeb By Bobby Crimson Mustang You fine folks reading this article know that Bobby Crimson Mustang is not my real name, but if I were to use my actual nom de plume, I may distract you from my words of wisdom with the fact that I, a much-knowing Hollywood beacon, am taking time to compose this article for your own edification, so that you, too, can be as clever as I. To tell you frankly, I am perplexed trying to understand all these conservatives who continue to malign our magnificent and wonderful president. They claim it is not him, but his policies with which they so strongly disagree. But who can really believe that? It must be racism, only the right-wingers don’t even know it!!! That is one of the many things wrong with the conservative movement. They refuse to recognize their bigotries and biases. The liberal-minded progressives, on the other hand, are above such prejudicial dispositions. Being liberal means not holding against a man or woman his/her skin color. Or religion. Or status. Or income level, except, of course, unless the person is a filthy, greedy capitalist who has managed to make a business of his own by exploiting his drones. Truly, those kind of people did not build it on their own, but they are too smug to acknowledge that, too full of themselves to recognize that obvious fact. How, you may wonder, is it that we of the liberal mindset, especially many of us here in Hollywood, can rise above some of those unfortunate natural human traits, such as bigotry? To be blunt, how, you are probably asking yourselves, is it possible for us to be so much better than everyone else? I will explain. The answer may shock you. You see, I, too, like the conservatives, am a racist. But we liberals are not racists like conservatives. I like to call us positive racists. We instead are as pure as the driven white snow before acid rain and pollution and global warming messed up our delicately balanced ecology. (It is up to us liberals to once again help Mother Earth regain her harmony, but it takes so much effort due to the evil Republicans who wish to dirty our rivers and foul the very air we breathe- But, that is another story. I don’t want to get distracted. We all know the levels to which the Republicans will sink, just to oppress minorities, by trying to deny them the right of free healthcare, or requiring them to get photo id’s for voting!) What makes us liberals so much better is that we compensate for any racist feelings we may experience by giving the members of minority races a blank check, if you will, so that no matter what the minority says, it must be true, because he/she said it, and he/she is a minority, so we must accept it. In the case of President Obama, since he is a black African-American, we liberals support him with double our usual effort to support a Socialist. And, when we support him in this way, we are also making up for the misdeeds of our unenlightened forefathers, who had practiced many ways to “keep the non-white skinned man in his place”, with any and every means available, including slavery. Some, like the Republicans, as our very astute Vice President Biden observed, want to put them back into chains again! So, now you know our secret on how to be better than you. We like to do what some people call reverse discrimination. If Pres. Obama said it, we must insist he is correct, because the ruling class, which is white, is infected with an insidious evil inside, an evil born in white people, a part of their genetic structure, and emphasized in white MEN. We liberals beat down that bigotry and deny it by siding with whatever the President will say, no matter how much sense it makes, or maybe not makes, depending on the case. Furthermore, we also recognize that all those mean white talk show hosts, who constantly criticize everything he does, should not be listened to, because, if they were like us, they would not pay attention to his policies, and instead would be doing some serious soul-searching to ask why they are paying attention to his politics. I propose it is because they are bigots, and therefore refuse to give him a free pass no matter what he does, which he deserves a free pass, since he is, after all, a minority. At least the white main stream news reporting is avant-garde and get it right, and they do this despite being handicapped by so many white men who run the news outlets. One last note: Even though I am a rich white man of privilege, I know what I am taking about anyway. I have made much progress in my karma due to my whiteness. I want you to know, I have learned to live guilt-free and enjoy my wealth, and to even recognize that I deserve it, thanks to my therapist. She brought me to a breakthrough by showing me that outside I am a rich white heterosexual, but inside I am really a Chinese lesbian.